Boogeyman

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Year:	2005
Country of origin:	USA / New Zealand / Germany
Director:	Stephen T. Kay
Genre:	Modern horror shitfest
Starring:	Barry Watson, Emily Deschanel, Skye McCole Bartusiak, Tory Mussett, Andrew Glover
Rating:	1/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0357507/
Tagline:	You thought it was a just a story... but it's real.
Favourite line:	None worth mentioning

Sometimes modern horror really pisses me off.
Here's how it works:
Steal the shell of an idea from J-horror, particularly in terms of the jaggedy-spiky-twitchy effects cast in a green-grey hue at the moments that are supposed to be blood chilling, you know, to really lay it on thick so that the audience has absolutely no doubt that 'Vis is v momint yume ment to be scayrd.'
Make one or two preposterous assumptions.
Assumption 1:
No-one in the audience has ever seen a horror movie before.
Assumption 2:
It's OK to replace genuine dynamics and dread with 'jump' moments facilitated by a sudden screeching blast, sharp and jarring, thus waking the viewers up from the near vegetative state they find themselves in after struggling through the cinematic equivalent of diarrhoea you are smearing all over the screen.
Added to the assumptions comes the ridiculous notion that your main 'menace' can come in the form of a CGI only monster that has about as much of a chill factor as the crack of my buttocks after a lengthy run around the park.
Learn, you fucking morons, learn. If even the mighty David Fincher struggles to make a CGI beastie frightening in his Alien attempt, how are you talentless droons going to stand any chance of making it work.
Oh yeah, and to ensure you know that he is frightening, every time the eponymous Boogeyman (Boogie Man would have been more terrifying, a demon from the fifth layer of hell that quite literally funks his victims into raw, bloody submission) the beast screeches as loudly as the dim witted studio execs permit by law for fear of litigation, joining in with the 'musical' cacophony so that your ears are rendered obsolete, fingers stuffed into your lugholes to block out the din, a sound so ferocious its vibrations on your very tongue mean you can actually taste the decibels.
Jesus covered in foam, I HATED this.