Smell the Movies
Smell the TV
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
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| Year: | 2011 |
| Country of origin: | USA |
| Director: | Steven Quale |
| Genre: | Death comes calling. Again. |
| Starring: | Nicholas D'Agosto, Emma Bell, Miles Fisher, Arlen Escarpeta, P.J. Byrne, Jacqueline MacInnes Wood, David Koechner |
| Rating: | 2/5 |
| IMDB link: | http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1622979/ |
| Tagline: | This Summer, death decides how... fate decides when. |
| Favourite line: | None worth mentioning |
I have to fight every instinct I possess not to get snotty about shit like this.
The plot:
On their way to a management 'empowerment' weekend, a group of super good looking fuckniks escape death via a suspension bridge collapse when one of their number 'perceives' the event in advance.
Then Death comes to claim the souls that escaped his evil clutches.
Look, we all know the setup here:
This is nothing to do with making movies. This is simple, efficient choreography and engineering combined.
Choreograph the steps involved in setting these wankers up for death.
Engineer suitable premises to lop off their heads / squish their skulls / rip out their guts / burn out their eyes.
It's horror by numbers that is no more complex than the colour by numbers books we all used to complete as dribbling infants and, frankly, I despise myself for having wasted 90 minutes watching the dross.
Whilst some of the death sequences were pretty imaginative, as multiple hazards were laid as red herrings before the ultimate death move, this is lowest common denominator fodder that bored the piss out of me. Literally. I visited the lavatory twice during the runtime, just for something to do.
Really this is a one 'Cult Skull' rated movie, and I've only added a skull due to the cameo of Tony 'Candyman' Todd, who is always a welcome screen presence.
Dull as the proverbial Death.
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