Battleship

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Year:	2012
Country of origin:	USA
Director:	Peter Berg
Genre:	Sci-fi CGI fest
Starring:	Liam Neeson, Taylor Kitsch, Brooklyn Decker, Alexander Skarsgård
Rating:	4/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1440129/
Tagline:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1440129/
Favourite line:	"Why don't they just kill us all?"

Receiving quite the kicking critically, this is Hasbro’s third venture into the world of film.

The plot:
In 2006, a NASA initiative to find life on other planets commenced, with a transmission beamed from satellites located on Hawaii towards Planet-G, the nearest Earth-like planet in the Goldilocks zone, likely to be capable of supporting life.
Present day, a Naval War Games operation between the USA and Japan is under way off the coast of Hawaii. Named RIMPAC – and, yes, I know that sounds like a sexual act – the games are to test out the battle readiness of the Navy’s fleet of destroyers, as well as put the men through their paces.
Predictably, as the games begin, contact is established: five objects tearing through space, headed straight for Earth. Plunging into the ocean, a huge metallic vessel emerges, sending twin beams into the sky which coalesce, forming an impenetrable barrier over the whole of the Hawaiian region, trapping three destroyers within the quarantine zone.
More vessels emerge and, as sure as bad breath follows a Scotch egg, they turn their guns on those trapped within…..

Chalking up an eye-watering £200,000,000 budget, a special effects extravaganza is what we expect, and is exactly what we get.
Based loosely on the game we all know and love – only one scene is relevant to the source – Hasbro continue to plumb their gaming depths for cinematic inspiration, this third effort of theirs following hot on the heels of the Transformers nightmares, as well as the way more palatable G.I Joe movie, the sequel of which is imminent.
Here, one dimensional characters spew out clichéd lines in each others general direction, none of it all that important, each line merely serving to inch the plot along a little so that we can get to the next balls out CGI-a-thon.
Men with jaws so square you could use them as architectural instruments shout and holler and bellow orders.
Do this.
Suck that.
Fire now.
Stroke me.
It’s drivel, but it matters not one iota, as this is all about the spectacle; the adrenaline ride. Alien vessels spit out deadly waves of missiles as heroic Naval sorts man guns to repel the invaders, the tracer bullets arcing through the air dramatically, the whole time AC/DC are rocking out in the background, setting pulse levels soaring.
Just as you think you’ve seen everything the aliens have got, they wheel out another device, this one more deadly than the last and the whole process starts again.
Should be awful.
Really isn’t.
This was an absolute blast.
The blockbuster season has got off to a fine start this year, with Wrath of the Titans and now this.
Turn off your cortex.
Sit back.
Enjoy.