G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

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Year:	2009
Country of origin:	USA / Czech Republic
Director:	Stephen Sommers
Genre:	Hardware porn
Starring:	Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Marlon Wayans, Rachel Nichols
Rating:	3/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1046173/
Tagline:	When All Else Fails, They Don't
Favourite line:	"Technically, G.I. Joe does not exist, but if it did, it'd be comprised of the top men and women from the top military units in the world, the alpha dogs. When all else fails, we don't."

The second Stephen Sommers movie in a week?
That sound you hear may very well be my sanity snapping.

The plot:
Set in the not too distant future, weapons expert James McCullen (Chris Ecclestone) has developed a new type of warfare: Nano-weaponry, missiles equipped with Nanobots capable of eating through anything metallic in seconds.
To maximise profits, McCullen needs to spark a war, and what better way to start a conflict than to destroy a national monument, recognised the world over.
Something like, say….La Tour Eiffel
Meantime, two lump-heads, Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) are eager to join the G.I. Joe team, but first must convince their leader, General Hawke (Dennis Quaid) that they are worthy.
Any chance they will succeed, and ultimately be the ones to save the day?
What do you think?

So thick you may well experience a strange dribbling sensation from your ears whilst you watch, this is still a rollicking good actioner, aided by the pseudo science-fiction elements.
Weaponry and hardware is the main sell, here, and it is successful in showcasing some decent imagination on that score, particularly with the Joe’s suits and the Nanobot missiles – true, hardly unique concepts, but they are realised efficiently enough.
In terms of acting, no one is really capable of it, Channing Tatum in particular playing his role as a lifeless slab of meat very effectively. Seriously, this guy has the on screen charisma of a piece of fly-blown liver, and Wayans isn’t much better, though he has the added handicap of actually thinking he is funny.
He isn’t.
Sommers as a director is very much from the Michael Bay ‘throw everything at the screen and hopefully some of it will stick’ school and, whilst he is not quite at the level of true evil of his contemporary, he isn’t far off, and remains pretty high on the kill-list down here at StC HQ.
A dreadful film on almost every level, still I enjoyed this enough to be assured of watching the sequel when it hits cinema screens next month.
And, yes, I am deeply, deeply ashamed of myself.