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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Year:	2002
Country of origin:	USA
Director:	Joe Castro
Genre:	Amateur horror wackiness
Starring:	Beverly Lynne, Lizzy Borden
Rating:	1/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0324213/
Tagline:	Animated To Kill
Favourite line:	None worth mentioning

A genuine horror.

The plot:
In a quiet, suburban neighbourhood, two sisters, Candy and Cindy, are left home alone while their parents go out for the day. Candy discovers a mysterious package in the mail containing a DVD from the devil himself.
Meanwhile Cindy invites her friends over for a party.
Up in her room, Candy watches the cartoon and accidentally releases the characters from the cartoon: Doctor Carnage, a green-skinned mad scientist, and Max Assassin, a purple gorilla that Doctor Carnage created by stealing a monkey from a local animal experimentation laboratory, who begin slaughtering all of the party guests.
(Note: plot synopsis taken from Wikipedia – I really couldn’t be bothered to write it myself!)

I like to think of myself as a positive person. I tend to see the best in everybody and everything, and wake up everyday thinking that, whatever happens, at least I’ve got my health, a beautiful girlfriend, and the potential for a long and happy life.
I don’t really see the point in being negative, in brooding over things you cannot control. Why think bleak thoughts when you can just go outside and feel the kiss of the warm, spring breeze against your skin; can wave at your neighbours as they cut their lawn; can help an old lady across the road, just to be nice?
So, let’s start with the positives.

Right, now that’s out of the way.
A truly terrible effort from all concerned, this has the feel of a low budget porno, one where they really haven’t put too much effort into the plot or the acting thinking that, you know, the cock-sucking will suffice.
And sometimes they’re right.
Here, writer / director Joe Castro clearly believes that the gore and special effects will carry things through and, really Mr. Castro, they don’t.
Starring one time porn starlet Lizzy Borden, as well as Beverly Lynne, an actress who seems like she should be guzzling cum for a living rather than trying to entertain anyone through more mundane means, this is sub-film student standard movie-making and the worst thing of all is, I reckon Castro thinks that it is all really funny.
It’s really not.
It’s wacky.
It’s zany.
It’s like, totally crazy, man.
But the one thing it is not is funny.
In a strange kind of way I urge you all to watch this, just so you appreciate other movies all the more.
Total shit.