Disturbia

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Year:	2007
Country of origin:	USA
Director:	D.J. Caruso
Genre:	Woeful thriller
Starring:	Shia LaBeouf, Sarah Roemer, Carrie-Anne Moss, David Morse
Rating:	1/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0486822/
Tagline:	Every killer lives next door to someone
Favourite line:	None worth mentioning

A Hitchcock style thriller for the YouTube generation?
Really?

The plot:
James Stewart plays Jefferies, a photographer by trade who has suffered an accident, resulting in him being wheelchair bound for eight weeks. It's week seven when we join him, and he's starting to get irritable about being stuck in his apartment for so long. To occupy his time, he spends many hours staring out of his back window at the courtyard, and the surrounding apartments, watching the movements of his neighbours secretly.

No, hang on a second. That’s Rear Window.
My mistake.
Understandable, though, given that this is EXACTLY THE FUCKING SAME.
I was scratching at my balding bonce, to begin with.
They’re not really going to do that are they?
Surely, they’re not going to go through with this?
Are they?
And yes.
They are.
With Shire Of The Beef in the lead role, you know for a fact you are in for some real power acting. An actor with genuine presence, charisma and leading man material.
Oh no. Got confused again. That’s James Stewart.
The Beef has all the personality of three week old road-kill.
But, Christ, doesn’t he act?
Squinting.
Gazing into the middle distance.
Setting his jaw straight.
Occasionally frowning.
Ever so talented.
An hour in, I almost bailed, but the stinging words of fellow Film Clubbers resonated, so I stuck with it.
Wish I hadn’t bothered.
See what you’ve done, telling me off for turning movies off if they are totally shit.
See what’s happened?
I had to endure this steaming pile of rhino runnings.
I had to sit and watch The Beef squinting.
And gazing into the mid-distance.
And setting his jaw straight.
And occasionally frowning.
I had to see him trying to look like he loved his mother, instead conveying the suspicion that he wanted to indulge in coitus with her. And rear entry coitus at that. The dirty, dirty boy.
So thanks for that. You wankers.
Only one glimmer of light in this whole debacle, the presence of David Morse as Mr Turner, a man who does sly, terrifying evil with genuine panache.
The first thirty minutes bored me.
The next thirty minutes annoyed me.
The final forty minutes appalled me.
What a crock of shit.