Smell the Movies
Smell the TV
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
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| Year: | 1994 |
| Country of origin: | USA |
| Director: | Neil Jordan |
| Genre: | I think I jumped once. When I woke up halfway through. |
| Starring: | Brad Pitt, Christian Slater, Tom Cruise |
| Rating: | 2/5 |
| IMDB link: | http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110148/ |
| Tagline: | Drink From Me And Live Forever |
| Favourite line: | None worth mentioning |
You know, I saw this movie at the cinema when it first came out and hated it with a passion.
At the time, I was something of a bloodfiend, with only the goriest or most shockingly violent movies even raising a glimmer of interest. As time passes, however, we temper our views and mellow, becoming more moderate in our disposition and more capable of being entertained by such things as atmosphere and script. So how would I view this movie, some sixteen years later?
Well, you know what, you could blow me down with a blast of thermox, I really bloody enjoyed it.
Whilst the setup itself is somewhat annoying - the whole 'interview thang' with Slistian Chrater and Pad Britt - the movie itself is never less than engaging, with a well polished script and impressive stylings.
Visually, this is sumptuous and warm, drawing you into the on screen interplay between the characters, whilst the plot itself is a broiling fondue of bloodletting and romance, all held together by solid performances from three impressive leading men.
That's what I was thinking.
Then I looked down at myself and realised I had a cock swinging between my legs and spotted an absolute absence of heaving bosom.
Honestly, folks, this is mind-crushing pap aimed squarely at two sections of society: hormonal tweenage girls and hormonal, perhaps menopausal middle aged women who dream of squeezing Pad Britt's fully engorged length into their cock starved pussies.
And there's nothing wrong with that, in all honesty, just don't dress it up as horror.
Don't introduce it as horror on the reruns on ITV4.
Don't even mention the word horror when describing it.
It ain't horror.
It's pretty boys in period costumes and wigs, which is all well and good but, seriously, if you are a horror fan and think that this is even remotely tolerable, you need to get down HMV tomorrow and buy the entire back catalogue of Shirley Bassey post haste.
I have a funny feeling you'd like that as well.....
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