Tuesday 25 October 2011

Shark Swarm

Home
Smell the Movies
Smell the TV

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Year:2008
Country of origin:USA
Director:James A. Contner
Genre: Jaws 5?
Starring:Daryl Hannah, John Schneider, Armand Assante, F. Murray Abraham
Rating:4/5
IMDB link:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1078927/
Tagline:Fear Travels In Packs.
Favourite line:"This is a fragile planet, and our actions can have grave consequences."

Some movies truly reveal the mentality of the gibbering teats that infest IMDB for the most part, giving straight to TV fodder such lowly ratings and savage reviews.
You know the type, those that take life way too seriously, and judge every movie as if the people making it genuinely believe they are creating a masterpiece. These imbeciles seem to have no inkling that, sometimes, movies are made just because the people behind it think it will be a good laugh to do so. They snort cocaine, smoke White Widow, laugh their anuses off in the concept meetings and churn out something that they know for a fact is a piece of brown, but my Christly Christington they had a whale of a time making it.
So here's Shark Swarm, a movie that is to Jaws what Dan Brown is to Clive Cussler: a pale imitation.
And very enjoyable it is too.

The plot:
A shady 'A-Team' style real estate developer is dumping chemicals into a bay that, unbeknownst to him, has the side effect of turning the resident shark population into blood thirsty, pack hunting monsters.
No-one is safe; bathers, fishermen, surfers.
Well, unless they just stayed out of the water.
You know, maybe just stood on the shore and looked out to sea, admiring nature in all its beauty from the safety of solid ground.
Then they'd be safe.
I don't know, maybe they could head to Starbucks, grab a take-out skinny mochachino with extra choco flakes and sit on the beach reading a good book, chatting to their friends, maybe even listening to some music on their MP3 players.
Then they'd be safe.
Just don't go in the water people.
Don't go anywhere freakin' near it.
It's full of things that want to kill us, at all times, not just when sharks mutate but, every second of every God given day there's things in there with big teeth and poisoned prongs and body parts I can't even identify that cut and slash and gnaw. Poisonous, deadly demons with the capacity to exist underwater that hate us, absolutely hate us, and take any opportunity they get to pierce us or slash us or eat us with their huge, tooth-filled mouths.
Just stay away from the water, folks, if it's the last thing you do.
The things in there HATE US.

No comments:

Post a Comment