Tuesday 17 January 2012

The Jewel of the Nile

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Year:1985
Country of origin:USA
Director:Lewis Teague
Genre:Pointless, worthless sequel
Starring:Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, Danny DeVito
Rating:1/5
IMDB link:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089370/
Tagline:When the going gets tough, the tough get going.
Favourite line:Not fucking one. It really is that dreadful

What a complete and utter pile of worthless gobshite.

Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner return for a second bout of the comedic action adventure romp, this time involving searching for the elusive 'Jewel of the Nile,' not a true gemstone but a person who Turner's Joan 'romance novelist' Wilder winds up sharing a cell with. They bust out and high jinx ensue.

Noisy, crass, moronically scripted - seriously, Wilder tries to persuade a Middle Eastern sort to refer to her as just Joan and he then spends the rest of the movie addressing her as Just Joan. Oh how we laughed....as we smeared ground chillies into our urethral openings. In one film we get an example of absolutely everything that is wrong with Hollywood movies at their worst.
In addition, the chemistry, which was a clear and reasonably enjoyable feature of the first flick, is sadly absent.
By far the worst film I have seen this year, and that's quite a claim: I endured Jerry Maguire just a month or so ago.

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