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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Year:	2001
Country of origin:	Aruba / USA
Director:	Sheldon Lettich
Genre:	The Da Vinci clone
Starring:	Jean-Claude Van Damme, Charlton Heston, Sofia Milos, Brian Thompson
Rating:	3/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0193364/
Tagline:	Unleash The Power.
Favourite line:	"I have the Egg."

Just about scraping a three here, Jean Claude sets off on another quest to find the trousers with the tightest arse.

In Jerusalem, Long Cord''s father discovers a secret that threatens to set off World War III but, before he can reveal it to his son, is kidnapped.
Step forward JC to search for his father, before running foul of the Israeli police force, a set of officers more inept than anything outside of a Hillsborough inquiry.
Through a sequence of action set-pieces and moments of 'zany' comedy, Jean Claude tracks down his father, and stumbles upon a deadly plan to set off a huge explosion beneath a Holy Islamic relic on the most sacred day of Ramaddan, triggering a Holy War, as prophesised in Revelations.

Yep, it's The Da Vinci Code mixed with a dash of Raiders of the Lost Ark with a sprinkling of James Bond thrown in for good measure.
Man Slamme is fine when just doing the action stuff - let's face it, he's pretty van damn good at duffing people up - but here the director makes the mistake of asking the talentless orifice to act and, unsurprisingly, he's just not up to it, delivering most of his lines as if he is simultaneously reading them from an autocue whilst having a hive of angry hornets squirted through a high powered hose right up his rectal passage.
The plot is suitably bombastic, I guess, though the tone of the movie is so varied it's difficult not to feel a touch confused: muscular action one minute, knockabout comedy the next, religo-thriller the next.
About the best thing I can find to say about this film is it's not JC's worst, and that's hardly a compliment.