You Don't Mess With the Zohan

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Year:	2008
Country of origin:	USA
Director:	Dennis Dugan
Genre:	Sandler 'comedy' vehicle.
Starring:	Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Rob Schneider
Rating:	1/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0960144/
Tagline:	Lather. Rinse. Save the world.
Favourite line:	None worth mentioning

Most movies are at least acceptable and, bad or good, they pass the time efficiently enough. Every so often, however, you are compelled to endure a movie so mind-crushingly awful it makes you question watchng another movie in that genre ever again.
You Don't Mess With the Zohan is one such movie.
This is a film so bad, eight hours after turning it off just past the hour mark, I am still simmering with rage. This is a movie so pitiful I now intend to pour all of my finances and efforts into seeking Adan Sandler out and removing his fucking giblets just to teach him a lesson.
1 Believe me, folks, he deserves it.
When I was about twelve, I was watching an episode of Airwolf and, whilst engrossed, I felt the compulsion to take a leak. I dashed off, did the dirty deed and, in my haste, caught the bell of my tiny-boy circumcised pecker in between the teeth in the zip of my jeans.
That made me laugh more than this movie.
Later, I once drank five pints of lager then foolishly chased it with a couple of glasses of Bailey's. The Bailey's solidified and, as I vomited, it came up in huge, mucoid chunks.
I laughed more as I puked than I did as I watched this movie.
An ex-girlfirend once ditched me and, as she bid farewell, her parting shot was that she had been giving a guy I knew blow jobs for the past two months.
Believe me, I found that funnier than this shit-fest.
There're 2 jokes here and, trust me, I use the word 'joke' in the vaguest way possible for the even remotely sane.
Joke 1: All people from the Middle East are in some way involved in terrorism.
Joke 2: Having a penis, and waving it around, is inherently funny.
Wrong on both counts, Adam, wrong on both counts.
To suggest that it was a sufferance to endure the 60 minutes I managed to tolerate before switching off is under-selling the worthlessness of this. Give me a choice between watching Zohan again or watching the utterly dreadful Transformers and....well, shit, I just don't know which way I would swing.
Embarrassingly unamusing in every conceivable way, this is just terrible. If you've seen this and found it remotely amusing, seriously, take a good long look at yourself and demand to know why you even bother to draw another breath.
Awful beyond any levels of credulity.