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In space, no one can hear your spleen.
The plot:
Responding to a distress call, space marine and general all-American hero type Commander Krieger (Marc ‘Donovan from V’ Singer) arrives on board a space station to discover a crew in panic. See, the silly sausages have only gone and created some sort of mutant space virus that seems to eat the flesh of any unfortunate human it encounters, and also transmogrifies them, somehow.
Before you know it, Krieger, along with an assortment of improbably pretty scientists and Bryan ‘Walter White’ Cranston, is battling gribblies and beasties, the like of which have not been seen since at least….ooooh….Ghoulies 4.
Can Krieger save the day?
Will any of them get off the space station alive?
And are they even aware that Alien and The Thing already exist?
A blatant Alien rip-off, this, but in a good way.
Low budget fun and frolics is the order of the day, V’s Marc Singer starring as the lead man all the proof you need that, though quality may not be high on the agenda, an alientastic good time is all but guaranteed. Oh, and talking of Marc Singer, he’s only gone and worn the self-same costume that he always seems to wear, replete with requisite all-too-tight lower portion denim wear, tailored to cling alarmingly at the crotch area, showcasing his obvious ‘talent’ in simply eye-watering fashion. Else it’s a pair of socks rolled up and stuffed down his pants – you decide, people.
You decide.
Hailing from the heady days of 1991, this is pre-CGI overload so all effects, such as they are, are done in-camera, and the film is all the better for it, as we see awful costumes and make-up jobs wibbling about the set, trying to look menacing, succeeding only in looking ridiculous and quite, quite fabulous.
The script is as shonky as the effects work, which again is delightful, particularly during the romance scenes, where Singer comes over all ‘paedophile luring a child into a van’ on any female within eyeline. It’s genuinely hilarious for, love him as we do down here at Smell the Cult HQ, the man just can’t act. Yes, he can jut out that perfectly square jaw. Yes, he can thrust his hips forward to proudly display that, erm, whatever it is in his trousers, but act? Not a bit of it. Don’t be so bloody ridiculous. Instead, he wanders around, every so often shooting his massive gun in the general direction of the killer macro-virus whilst seeming oblivious to his weirdly massive thigh gap.
A short film, only just over the hour mark, there’s no time to get bored, here, so just sit back, open a packet of Wagon Wheels, sup on a couple of cans of Hofmeister, and enjoy this slab of retro sci-fi horror goodness.
Really, really enjoyed it.
Oh, and it’s nothing at all to do with the videogame series of the same name, even though the subject matter does overlap, but, ssshhhhh, maybe the game developers might just have seen this film and taken some ‘inspiration.’
Ssssshhhh.
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