The Cell

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A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Year:	2000
Country of origin:	USA / Germany
Director:	Tarsem Singh
Genre:	Serial killer VR guff
Starring:	Jennifer Lopez, Dylan Baker, Vince Vaughn, Vincent D'Onofrio
Rating:	3/5
IMDB link:	http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0209958/
Tagline:	Enter the mind of a killer
Favourite line:	"Bitch, whore…"

Here's the thing:
J-Lo, the brand, is an absolute abomination who should be wiped from the face of the Earth, her very existence deleted and denied, as if her spawning never occurred and, frankly, if you disagree you really need to take a good, long, hard look at yourself in the mirror and perceive, perhaps for the first time, the moribund entity that you are.
Jennifer Lopez, the actress, is, is....well, I just don't know as we really don't get to see much of it here. What we get instead are myriad shots of The Lope pouting, wearing frilly, period dresses and lying on her back, breasts jutting upwards from her skintight VR suit like two simultaneous birthings of the xenomorph from Alien.

The plot:
A sadistic serial killer has taken another victim, imprisoning her in a sealed box which gradually fills with water. Unfortunately, as the authorities close in on his house to arrest him, he suffers a serious breakdown, falling into a coma, leaving the police with no clue as to the whereabouts of said prisoner.
The Lope is a psychotherapist who makes use of some fancy piece of technology or other to immerse herself in the dreams of others.
Now there's a stroke of luck.
She immerses and is transformed into a hellscape beyond her wildest imaginings.
Can she find the victims location?
Can she escape the deviant mind and escape back to sanity herself?
And can she find a way of not suffocating on the magnitude of her own mighty bosom? You'll have to watch to find out, kids.

The serial killer bits are entertaining enough, as are the police focused sections, but the film suffers a little from the 'nightmare world' scenario as it never really convinces. It's delightfully perverse at times, trading in sado-masochistic naughtiness, which certainly passes the time, but generally the 'inner mind' moments fall a little flat.
Still, way better than I was expecting, though The Lope's credibility as an actress is yet to be determined and, as all the other movies she has been in seem to be God Christingly awful Rom-Coms, I may never know.
Damn it to Hades and back, I need closure people, that's all.
Just fucking closure.