Tuesday 17 January 2012

Derailed

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Year:2002
Country of origin:Aruba / USA
Director:Bob Misiorowski
Genre:Man Slamme biotech thriller
Starring:Jean-Claude Van Damme, Tomas Arana, Laura Harring
Rating:3/5
IMDB link:http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0298296/
Tagline:The deadliest disease ever discovered is about to be unleashed on the world
Favourite line:None worth mentioning

Bog standard action thrills and spills here for one man army merchant Long Cord Man Slamme.

This time around Man Slamme is some form of undercover agent with a specialism in high tech weaponry (you know he's not, just from the facial expressions he wears when uttering technobabble. He even ACTS as if he doesn't know what he's talking about) who winds up on board a train with a super-duper bio-weapon, all primed and ready to go bangy wangy and smear everyone in icky-wicky bacterium that will render their nervous system a useless, twitching useless thing.
Man Slamme has to stop those nasty men with suits and guns....before it's too late.
Throw in a love triangle and a case of mistaken infidelity, and you've basically got a fusion of The Rock, Under Siege and something dreadul starring Meg Ryan (take your pick, folks.)

Man Slamme walks through the whole movie as if in a daze, seeming utterly confused by everything that's going on. I thought initally he was attempting some form of Brechtian alienation technique, but suspect more that all the steroids he's chowed down have finally worked their way up his spinal cord and reached his cerebellum.
Average Man Slamme fodder then, so just about tolerable.

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